Sandra Darlene (Lindner) Rau, 64, passed away Sept. 30, 2011, from breast cancer. Visitation is from 1-8 PM Saturday with family present 3-5 PM and Sunday 1-5 PM with family present 2-4 PM at Smith Family Mortuary, 1415 N. Rock Road, Derby, Kansas. A Rosary will be at 7:30 PM Sunday and a Funeral Mass at 10 AM Monday at St. Mary Church, Derby. Sandy was born on March 5, 1947, in Fort Smith, Arkansas, to Eugene Lindner and Regina (Schweppenstedde) Lindner. Gene worked in heating and cooling. Regina was a homemaker. Sandy’s sister, Jo Ann, is nine years her senior. After the family moved to this area in 1955, Sandy attended St. Mary School in Derby and Mount Carmel High School in Wichita. She worked as a beautician at a shop in Derby for several years after high school. She was married to Gregory Rau in 1968 at St. Mary’s and for more than four decades they worked and managed a farm northeast of Derby. She was a longtime, active member of St. Mary Parish, where her parents and Greg’s parents were early members. Sandy is survived by her husband of 43 years; her sister, Jo Ann Allen, of Wichita; four children and nine grandchildren. Her children are Lajean Keene (and Shawn) of Tonganoxie; Bruce Rau (and Meg) of Centennial, CO; Darlene Koger (and Chris) of Lawrence; and Dennis Rau (and Jessica) of the Derby area. Dennis and Jessica are partners in the farm. She leaves behind many other loving family members, including two nieces and a nephew, their children, aunts, uncles and cousins. She was preceded in death by her parents. Sandy was a courageous, wonderful lady with great love and devotion for her family, friends, church and farm. Her character and beauty blessed everyone she touched. She will be missed by many. Memorial donations may be made in Sandy’s honor to her beloved St. Mary Parish through the Building Fund, 2300 E. Meadowlark, Derby, KS 67037; or to Harry Hynes Memorial Hospice, 313 S. Market St., Wichita, KS 67202. Tributes at smithfamilymortuaries.com.
This is the story of Sandy Rau, a courageous and a wonderful lady with a great devotion to her family, friends, church and farm. This is her story as told by her children. So it doesn’t include memories of Sandra, as she was called then, during her childhood, of her time living with her “Mother and Daddy” and “Sissy,” her name for her much older sister. No stories about the farm and restaurant in Illmo, Mo., or St. Boniface School, or Bob Brown’s heating and AC business in Fort Smith. Nothing about Sandra being “Daddy’s little girl” or having fun with her dear Uncle Leo who shared her family’s home more than once. Sandy told her kids many of these stories over the years. She cherished her roots in Arkansas, her remarkable parents and sister, and the many unforgettable characters in her family. But this is the story of a wife and mother, so it’s mostly about her life after she met Greg, who was her first serious boyfriend and who gave her the nickname Sandy.
But let’s start at the beginning.
Sandra Darlene Lindner was born March 5, 1947, in Fort Smith, Arkansas, to Eugene Lindner and Regina (Schweppenstedde) Lindner. When Sandra was born, her older sister, Jo Ann, was nine years old. After the family moved to the Wichita area in 1955, Sandy attended St. Mary School in Derby and Mount Carmel High School in Wichita. In 1963, she went to a school dance with a fellow St. Mary’s Parish kid, Gregory Rau. This was the beginning of a romance that spanned the next 48 years. They attended CYO dances, cruised Douglas and met friends at Tok’s Coffee House. After high school Sandy went to beauty school and worked at Ernie Abshire’s shop in Derby for several years. Sandy and Greg married in 1968 at St. Mary’s and for more than four decades, they worked and managed their farm northeast of Derby. Early in their marriage they rented a small home. Then they purchased a house built in 1919 that had to be moved when the Canal Route was built in Wichita and placed it on their home 80. Greg and Sandy had four children between 1970 and 1977.
St. Mary’s Church and school were always a big part of their lives, at every stage of their lives. Sandy’s parents and her husband’s parents were early members of the parish. Sandy continued her mother’s tradition of dedicating a lot of time to her church, from the bingo and bazaars of old, to funeral dinners and altar society duties, to sitting on the parish council and helping get the recently dedicated school built. According to people in the parish, if you ever needed someone to discuss an upsetting issue with an upset person, you picked Sandy. She had a gentle and sensible way of approaching difficulties. She was renown for taking new parishioners under her wing, helping them to feel welcome and become involved in the life of the church. And if you ever really needed something done, you talked to Sandy. The parish was like family to Sandy and Greg and was the source of many longtime friendships and lots of fun, from the Knights of Columbus parties to the legendary “Friday Night Dinner Group.”
Even though Sandy and Greg didn’t have much money for many years, their kids always had everything they needed and more. She was brave enough as a mom to let them be rough and tumble farm kids, to get dirty and do “dangerous stuff” like getting pulled through the snow on a pickup hood by a tractor and breaking calves to a halter. She made her kids clothes and homemade snacks, took them on shoestring vacations and taught them how to have fun without spending much money. Often this included time with relatives, like Fourth of Julys with her sister’s family, everyone taking turns cranking the homemade ice cream. Sandy’s parents, Gene and Regina, and Greg’s parents, Roman and Theresa, were a constant presence. Sandy and Greg sacrificed so they could send their kids to Catholic school, starting at St. Mary’s in Derby and then Kapaun Mt. Carmel in Wichita. She threw herself into 4-H, learning how to do everything from leatherwork, to building rockets to grooming cattle. She was a patient, caring and supportive mother who disciplined and got her kids to work hard without yelling. They never wanted to disappoint her.
Sandy always struggled with school and called herself “poor reader.” She came to realize as an adult that she was likely dyslexic. Yet she raised four kids who went to college and was herself an integral part of a farm business that grew in size and complexity every year. Anyone who knew Sandy realized “farm wife” was an important job. Her duties ranged from preparing meals, driving a grain truck and delivering people and parts all over two counties, to planning and every kind of bookkeeping you can think of. She was a wise and trusted adviser to Greg and always his biggest supporter. Sandy made everything her family did possible. She was steadfastly, reliably and wonderfully there at all times, a calming influence, doing what needed to be done. You never had to need her or look for her. She was ever-present and part of everything the family did.
Sandy was known as a beautiful lady. When she and Greg met she was a stylish and stunning young woman. Over the years, she had two sides. The working Sandy, and the “going to town” Sandy. The working Sandy might have been seen mowing in cut-offs with her hair covered in a bandana, or with wheat-stubble-scarred shins, a V-neck shape of grime and grain dust on her chest. But on Sunday, she was pretty and polished. As Greg said recently, “She was a lady of the country, but she was still a beautiful lady.”
Family vacations every August during a brief break for farmers, and smaller trips throughout the year – often with a moment’s notice because rain was coming and Greg would be able to get away – were great fun for the whole family. Now parents themselves, her kids realize just how much work all these trips were for their mom, who packed campers full of food and clothes for the four kids and Greg. Memories of these vacations are some of the most precious to her family, especially trips to the Ozarks lakes and Colorado mountains. Trips to her weren’t about shopping or getting spa treatments. They were always opportunities to take in the beauty of God’s creation and to learn something. She read pamphlets and brochures to the children while they rolled down the highway, always trying to teach them something about where they were going, or what they had seen.
Sandy was a lifelong learner and passed on her curiosity about the world to her children. She subscribed to National Geographic for decades, loved educational programming on PBS and cable TV, and her favorite show was “Jeopardy,” which she recorded every day. Sandy may not have been a great speller, but she knew a lot about a lot of things.
Sandy cut and did hair her whole life and kept up her license even though she hadn’t worked professionally since her first child was born. She used to say she wanted to be ready to go back to work should anything happen to Greg. The Rau house had a beauty shop feel, with Sandy’s mother and Greg’s mother getting their hair done weekly. The smell of permanents and hairspray and the sound of the hood dryer were a regular part of life on the farm.
As Sandy and Greg’s kids went off to college, married and had kids of their own, she became a warm and welcoming in-law and grandmother. She was very special to her sons-in-law Chris and Shawn and her daughters-in-law Meg and Jessica. Sandy welcomed nine grandkids and loved them dearly. Today they range in age from 5 to 11. The close bond and the countless memories the grandkids have made on the farm will stay with them for the rest of their lives. Sandy supported her kids’ parenting, never judging. Everyone loved to come home to the farm. A terrific cook and homemaker, Sandy hosted the whole family every Christmas and Thanksgiving. The table got bigger and bigger, until it sat 19, not including other relatives and in-laws who sometimes came, as well. And Sandy was famous for getting up at 4 or 5 a.m. to put the biggest turkey available in Wichita into the oven.
Sandy had a big heart. More than any hobby or interest, she liked to help people. And she was pragmatic. "Do what you have to do" was one of her mottos, and it served her well in her life. Never one to complain, even during the most difficult moments of cancer treatment, she would focus on finding joy and blessings around her. She had a quiet, contented nature and worked hard at everything she did. Never a shirker, always willing to take on the most challenging or most repetitive tasks, she worked with larger goals in mind and always did her best.
Sandy was a tireless helper and partner to Greg. She was devoted to him, and him to her. She was first diagnosed with breast cancer five years ago. He was with her every step of the way, through surgery and treatment. After several good years, they found out the cancer had spread to her bones. This was a little over a year ago. Again, she endured treatment, always with a positive outlook and her trademark determination. Her children recall that the Serenity Prayer hung in their home for many years when they were little. Sandy truly lived by it. She spent most of the last three months in the hospital but was never alone. In hospice, Greg rarely left her side. Her youngest, Dennis, and his wife, Jessica, kept the farm running and supported Sandy and Greg in the hospital. Her other children made frequent trips home. Love and support came from friends and relatives far and wide. It was so appreciated. Sandy’s legacy is that love. A family that enjoys being together, friends who support each other, and a caring church community that will be there for so many in the future as it was for her. She’ll be looking down on all of us and smiling.